Mumblet is the name of the company and it gets it’s name from the founders dog. He couldn’t think of anything better and as many a soul crushed by the omnipresent gigantic’ist company can attest to, it doesn’t stand for anything other than scary frightening stuff. Stand in it’s way and your either killed, sacked, demoted, erased entirely or indeed your family is.
If you succeed within Mumblet you are one of the richest group of sycophants in the universe. Of course Mumblet own most if it so far and are reaching out to own more, hence “the science palace in the stars” station squabbling about the place, exuding eternal interfering and spoiling the blazes out of every place it finds.
The lumpers were just the latest in a long line of troubled residents that were squashed by the globule of arrogance promoted by Mumblet. Moony didn’t care, he was trying to figure out how to join the upper echelon of the firm and how much it might cost him to get there. The secret it seemed was to stand out from the pack, carry out super human acts of company loyalty while putting up with an amazing amount of crap from those who should know more. Although the most important thing is to pay, pay a fortune, a lifetime’s fortune.
Well this was all going along swimmingly, except for the fortune part, Moony only had 7 millions dollars and that was nowhere near enough. He’d need about 48 million. This amount of money would take some extra special craftiness and of course Moony thought he had such a quality. His main distraction, Carol, could help him if he managed to cajole her into sleeping with him.
The going price for live and healthy “off earth newborns” ( oens ) was running at 75 million dollars each at the moment and Moony knew of a couple living on the Mumblet h.q. planet “horence” who’d pay for such a baby. Of course all this depended on Carol allowing the sexual gratification Moony was hungry for and then agreeing to the result to be placed in the gestation machine in the science palace in the stars. The gestation machine was happy to let Moony in for free as this machine owed Moony a favour. Moony was horrified every time he thought of the reason, but kept it very close to his chest. Pity the act between him and the machine were nowhere near his chest. It turned out that the designer of the gestation machines programmed a dreadfully perverse gratification need within them, the series that Moony involved himself with was particularly nasty, fun but nasty.
Moony only had to chat with Carol, but it seemed very quiet on the station today. No sign of Carol or Robert the wanker. Both had disappeared out of sight and radar range.Carol sat in the sealed loading dock with the version of Robert and wondered how it had got this far. This mentally crippled and twisted bugger had decided to force his way upon Carol in a most devilish manner. Robert it turns out wasn’t pleasuring himself on the hour ( well not all the time ) he was creating a clone of himself, but the weird bugger had tried to make the clone a perfect copy of himself in every way, except it looked like Moony.
This alter Moony, the Robert version, had snuck up on Carol, expressed his undying lust and love for Carol and squeezed them both into the loading dock. Carol was overcome with passion, respect and excitement at the alter Moony’s advances. Of course she thought this was the real one and that he had finally gained some courage and announced his intentions. When she discovered that this amorous animal wasn’t actually Moony, she freaked !!
Before realising that there was something afoot, Carol had looked around registering her rather odd predicament. The oil, gas, rubbish and water strewn about the floors and walls did not a love nest make, but hey, she thought it had a certain rough quality. Being a fastidious, obsessive scientistic type, it might be good to slop about in some filth, especially with Moony. Moony seemed a little off and there was a vomit inducing stench in this dock that a brown dog couldn’t have jumped over, but it was only when Moony kissed her that the real cause of the shit smell was smacked good and proper around Carol’s chops.
This alter Moony had another problem, it was so overly excited it had a sudden conclusion of it’s own. Concluding before you even touch the love of your life, is not indicative of an experienced lover, or a real person for that matter. Carol hadn’t realised that the alter Moony had soiled itself in the front of his bum, she just thought he had shivered due to the cold. As it turned out Carol was a frenzied loving machine for about one second into the first kiss and cuddle. She then went all weird, screamed and while spitting out spit like a garden sprinkler, she ran furiously from the scene. As fast as her gorgeous legs could carry her but she couldn’t get far.
The freaky thing about the clone was the combination of the voice and the horrendous breath it spewed forth into Carol’s receptive face. It sounded and smelt, like shit. It turned out during the investigation ( held much later ) that Robert had got the digestive system the wrong way round and the alter Moony had a anus for a mouth and a mouth where the anus would normally be. A slight error you might think, but one that had major ramifications, especially on Carol.
Aside from that genetic bumbling, the real Robert’s halitosis was legendary in Mumblet, in fact that’s why he was sent out, as far a way as possible from the company h.q. planet – horence. Upper management had fielded thousands of close proximity alarms and found the best way to remove the chance of receiving more alarms was to remove Robert. That other annoying buffoon Moony could be removed in the same way.
Moony didn’t really have any idea of this, he thought he was being rewarded in being rostered on the science palace in the stars and was merrily sliding up the slippery pole of promotion. Only Mumblet really knew what when on around the place and they didn’t tell anyone. It was against company policy.
He wanted to tell ( and show ) Carol how he felt and ask her to help him raise the money he needed, by selling the live and healthy “off earth newborn”, their very own oen. What Moony didn’t know was that Carol was currently trapped, screaming, spitting profusely and very angry in the shitty loading dock. Had he known earlier he would have killed Robert and the alter Moony, but that would be something he’d learn about after answering this distress call, the call from Carol’s mother, addressed to captain Asquith Moony and identified as personal.
The message was from Trevor Nubleous. He was the funny little half man, half dog creature that ran the Mumblet science department. In fact not only did he run it, he designed it and was the overlord of nearly everything Mumblet did. The reason for his peculiar body and mannerisms was that the company creator not only named the company after his dog, he continued with the theme in creating loyal employees.
Making new life forms was already popular way back in 2045, when the company founder took over varying left field science achievements, he banned some, restricted a few and over developed others. Half man half fish were popular for a while, as they really kept the pools clean and the 1/4 man, cow, fly and platypus were really popular in major motion pictures for about 10 years. They were just so fucking weird they transfixed the audience as they wobbled, flew, flapped and mooed their way about the silly stories the company wrote for them. Really famous titles such as “moo’ving on”, “why do i lay eggs” and “the fly” parts 4 – 173.
The half man half dog, Trevor Nubleous has a message for Moony and it didn’t seem to make any sense. The reception was fine, the id protocol perfect, but the intent freaked Moony out pretty bad. He had to watch it three times, funnily it seemed to change each time ?
The message basically presented these main points, after it waffled on for 20 minutes about the merits of a good deodorant called “i used to smell like shit” and the use of a super strength mouthwash unfortunately labeled “no more bomb breath”.
Attention captain Moony ( yes you are now a captain ), you are to do the following.
Collect all of the indigenous population from the face of the planet.
Place them in the dna adjustment machine and select the long term storage mode.
Set coordinates for “trumular 7”
Capture the previous captain – Robert walker and place him in the stretching chamber.
Have sex with any of the fertile female crew, our records show there is one left, designated as Carol.
Place the resulting “instant oen” into the storage tube and set for maturation.
Note – under no circumstances are you to use the gestation machine.
Shave that ridiculous facial hair and have a haircut.
Clean your cabin and remove all personal possessions.
Be standing by and ready for further details which will be sent at 22.00 Hours.
The science palace in the stars was a very dank, sweaty and smelly place in the main, but some areas, like those allocated to the humans were remarkably clean. So clean it was harmful to the eyes, sparkling, smooth, smelt like a fruity hair shampoo with all the flashing lights the company thought were necessary for a space ship thingy.
The more interesting parts were those hidden and out the way of those so called human bits. There you found a rusty, cold damp ooze that pervaded through the flesh like a really strong smell. The flooring was that open mesh style made of scrap metal in honour of the sci-fi films of the 20th century. It also made sense to cut down on weight and materials. The only trouble was that it was damn difficult to walk on in high heels, like the ones that Robert used to wander about in.