Andy was an angry little shit. He’d spend all day sitting watching TV, reading meaningless newspapers ( although he wondered why he did that ) and commenting out loud at the lunacy he was exposed to. He was keen to follower of politics at any level and cringed with a tingle at the current American goings on. Tea Party, Koch Brothers, Rupert Murdoch and the local “gang of dim” sadly in place as the Australian Government. The State and Local expressions of political office offered even worse outcomes. Andy needed a life changing now.
Andy was screaming this particular day when it suddenly hit him, like a cigarette shortage, or even a lack of coffee. What the hell was he doing, no-one else seemed to give a fuck. Just a few like minded souls he followed on Facebook and certainly not any of the current Murdoch barrow pushers or their dubious mates who are screaming on radio. Andy had to decide what to do.
Being mean was not really in Andy’s nature, but being rather sharp, rude, cutting and cruel definitely sat well in his repertoire. He had some glorious rants and raves at the TV and the computer. He had to sit through ( well he was addicted actually ) to the local TV news which was a training ground for young journalism graduates, some of which just seemed to fart in the required way, while presenting supposition, gossip and hours of blurry out of focus pictures. Cliched crap and inaccurate arseholes featured quite often in Andy’s television viewing and his rapid red faced response.
So, he had to take stock, rearrange his priorities, get some fucking exercise and think about his rather shrinking lifestyle. Pity his waist line wasn’t shrinking as well. Love handles are one thing, a forklift on either side of his belly is another.
So Andy wrote out a list of his failings, his thoughts as they were that day and although he started slowly – he was off and running in his own way, a bit of a self realization therapy kind of thing:
- treat people as they should be treated, not as you judge they should.
- respect that your life has meaning and that all the dumb shit you’ve done until now will serve some purpose and helps to define that meaning.
- realize that not everyone you meet has a passion for things you’re passionate about.
- realize that many are very happy to be completely ignorant and remain as dumb as they appear to be – to you.
- remember that the choices you made, got you where you are today.
- realize that you can’t unmake those choices.
- find something to do that will distract you from analyzing the lunacy going on around you.
- don’t be fooled into thinking that there is a group situation that will help you change. They only seek and recruit people who are seeking change and they consider it their job to collect new supplies. Their attempts to facilitate your acceptance only fuels the machine they are slaves to.
- remember that all the one night stands were as real as they should have been, not true love, just sex in a context that suited both parties.
- seek out a distraction that will keep you occupied longer than the new toy sensation you seem to pursue with each newly unwrapped thing.
Andy stopped at that one and thought very hard. How could you pour out all of these things and not understand that some major changes were called for. Where could such a trigger be found, who could help and how can he take that first step.
This really worried Andy. Sitting there typing away, wondering if this was real or just another distraction as he was faced with a fresh new page and had to type something. Was this outpouring, the rocky road mixture of ideas really what he wanted to type. Andy did this a lot, he’d sit at an empty page and rubbish would just flow from what ever the first sentence happened to be.
His computer room was like a small sauna but as he spent so much time in there he’d acclimatised to the oppressive heat that nudged him on. Even the dirt on the keyboard was overlooked when he started tapping away. Andy wondered …
- What then is next?
- Can I do something like this rambling list suggests?
- Do I just ignore it and pretend it’s just filling up data and a word count on an empty page or is it something more?
- Can I actually make the change?
Andy wiped the dribbling sweat from his brow and keyboard, then got up and cleaned the keyboard. He did print out the list and placed it proudly on the refrigerator, although he’d probably hide it from his wife before she got home from work. Andy posted the list in an online forum of self help and waited for the replies. He did scream at some of them, but some made perfect sense.